Currently {14}: It Is Well

Thinking about: Ted's 18 month well visit. We just had his 15 month visit...happy, sweet, healthy, perfect 15 month old. I couldn't even go to the desk after the visit to make our next appointment. Lily's due date is October 27th...Ted is 18 months on October 26th. Three more months with my Lily girl in my belly. When I think about how quickly three months can pass, the anxiety takes over. I think about all of those "To-Do's" again and I can't even breathe. I have accomplished some though and each one comes with it's own set of tears and still feelings of disbelief. I think, this cannot be our reality.

I've picked out some sweet outfits from this adorable Etsy site. I've made several beanies and bought more yarn to make more. I get pretty crazy when I'm in "beanie making mode" and I must say it's worse this time. Of course, I want it to be perfect and just right, but I don't know when she will be here, so I am making an assortment of different sized beanies. I've contacted Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep to do photos and String of Pearls for a memory kit. I've bought stuff to make a banner for family pictures and to hang in Ted's room. Still, with all of these things, I still find it hard to believe what we are (most likely) preparing for and it still just seems so...impossible.

Reading: It Is Well: Life in the Storm. It has taken me awhile to pick up this book. My dear friend, Chris Faddis wrote it about his deceased wife's battle with cancer. I know the story, I watched it all unfold, but something kept me from picking it up when it first came out. I read it last week and can honestly say I've thought every thought and felt every feeling that Chris and Angela have felt. In many ways a terminal pregnancy diagnosis is a lot like a terminal cancer diagnosis. It's unimaginable. Angela was in her early 30's and took very good care of herself. I've had a very healthy pregnancy despite our diagnosis. You cling to hope, but at the same time forced to face reality. You beg God for a miracle, but you make plans just in case. You get angry, you get sad, you feel weak and helpless and you scream at God and wonder why this is happening to you. But amidst all of those emotions...you feel God's tremendous grace pour over you. As impossible as it feels, somehow it is possible to make it through this storm. Angela is in God's presence and as many of us believe, "It is all joy." While we pray and beg for a miracle, we face the reality that Lily will (most likely) join her. As much as my heart aches, my ultimate goal for my children is for them to be amidst, "all the joy." 

Thankful for: So much. As awful and painful as this is, I am constantly reminded of how blessed we are. My sweet, sensitive husband is absolutely amazing. I had no idea how sensitive Jason was until I walked up the aisle to him on our wedding day to see tears running down his face. He's a real man and he is not afraid to show me when he is broken. We are already a stronger unit because of Lily's diagnosis and we keep getting better. We face these trials and we face them together. For that I am beyond grateful.

We also have this sweet, silly, snugly 15 month old boy!! It is such a strange feeling to be so full of sorrow and so full of joy all at the same time. Ted is pure joy though. I feel like I say it a lot, but I don't ever want to forget what a blessing he is to us. It's impossible to not smile and laugh when you are with him. He doesn't make us forget, it's impossible to forget, but he does show us that we continue to not just survive, but we can thrive through this part of our life in the storm.

Currently {13}

Thinking about: What an amazing man I married. Seriously, he's the best. He does so much to provide for our family and supports me staying home with Ted. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the trials of being a mom, that I forget how difficult it must be to be a dad sometimes. Jason leaves for work by 6:45 at the latest, so there are many mornings that he gets up, gets ready and leaves for work without seeing Ted. Until recently Ted would take a late afternoon nap, so that left a very small window for Ted and Jason to play together after work too. I think about that and it makes me so sad. But he does it...not because he loves his job (he likes it, but as all jobs it has its moments); he does it because he loves his family. He has such a great heart as a leader and a servant. He just found out that he cannot take the time off to go to Iowa for my favorite weekend of the summer. I was heartbroken. It's a weekend I look forward to all year and I want to share this tradition with him. My selfless, servant husband told me he wants Ted and I to go anyway. He will stay home and work while Ted and I go spend time with my family and friends in Iowa. Seriously, he's amazing and I am beyond blessed.

Listening to: Ted's sweet little babble talk. I have no idea what he is saying, but sometimes he babbles with so much intensity and expression that I really wish I knew what he was saying. He changes the pitch of his voice and makes these adorable faces as he just babbles away. Sometimes I think he is talking to Charlie, who really could care less what Ted is saying. He says "dada", "goggie", "yeah", but still no "mama". Waiting patiently Ted, waiting patiently...

Watching: Dolly Parton on the Today Show! Love her!

Reading: Remember how awesome I just said my husband is? ^^ Well, he just got even more awesome by buying me this book. Oh, he knows me so well and loves me despite my 90210 obsession.

Thankful for: A wonderful family weekend to celebrate Mother's Day. The weather was beautiful and all I wanted all weekend was to be outside and enjoy it as much as possible because soon...very, very, soon it is going to be ridiculously hot! On Friday we went out for pizza and to an ASU baseball game. On Saturday we took Ted to the Splash Pad and out for cheeseburgers (my current pregnancy craving). On Sunday, we went to Mass, to a delicious Mediterranean restaurant for lunch (mmm, chicken shawarma), and to the zoo. It was a beautiful afternoon to walk around. Best of all, just spending the weekend with my wonderful husband and my sweet Ted. 

I love seeing Jason and Ted interact. When Ted was only a few months old I remember Jason asking me why Ted didn't like him. Naturally, Ted only wanted me because I was nursing and with him all day. Now, Ted's face lights up and he shrieks with joy when he hears Jason come home. I loved capturing these sweet moments at the baseball game the other night.

My heart is so full right now.

Thanks for stopping by! Have a blessed week!

Currently {12}

Thinking about: Life on a budget. Since I am not teaching full-time, we've had to really look at our spending and budgeting. I must say it is stressful at times and really tries my own personal spending habits, but I am actually grateful for this time in our life. As Dave Ramsay would say, "Live like no one else, so you can one day live like no one else." It's really helped me focus on our needs and to be thankful for the blessings we already have. We don't need lots of "stuff". I love this stage in our life and marriage because we are teaching Ted valuable life lessons about what we truly matters. 

Reading: So I think I know how to get over my recent illiteracy. This book. 1) I'm a long-time, die-hard fan of the Orig. Beverly Hills 90210. 2) I love, love, love the trials and tribulations of the "rough lives" of the rich and famous. Once Jason Priestley gets me out of my non-reading funk, I might have to move on to this one next ;-)

Watching: The last few episodes of this season of Grey's Anatomy. I loved that they brought Dr. Burke back! I was secretly hoping Christina would run off with him, but I like how they did it. 

Also watching Survivor! I love Survivor and I am such a nerd about it that I am even in a Survivor pool...generally I'm a solid 4th place finisher, but this season I'm currently in third place and making my move to the top! What's the prize, you ask? Oh, nothing but my pride and bragging rights to other nerds in the group...yes, yes, I know this makes me nerdier!

Wishing: Wishing, hoping, praying for plane tickets to Iowa to go down! I always go to Iowa in June to visit family and attend a yearly camping weekend with friends. Right now tickets are crazy expensive. I can't imagine missing the camping weekend, so I'm praying for these prices to go down! I am also really excited for Ted to be (hopefully) walking and playing in the green, green Iowa grass.

Thankful for: These squishy, squishy cheeks. I seriously can't even handle how cute they are. When Ted was first born, his cheeks were the first thing the doctor mentioned! They've been so squishy and kissable since the day he was born. 

Currently {11}

Thinking about: How crazy we are to want to be parents. To willingly put our hearts out there and to have them so vulnerable and exposed. It was Ted's birthday this weekend, which was so wonderful, but it was also a special day for a very dear friend. My friend lost her sweet one year old son 8 1/2 months ago. I can't even express the sorrow that we still feel when we think of sweet Bradley. Being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done, yet her experience as a parent has been a million times harder. We have to put so much trust and faith in our God, and yet we know and sadly are reminded that these sweet little souls are on loan to us. Bradley reminds me every day of this...to cherish every moment I have with Ted. I'm reminded to turn off the TV, put down the phone and close the computer and enjoy and laugh and play from the eyes of a one year old. My friend reminds me every day to never give up and never lose hope. God has a plan for our lives and as hard as it is, we must trust. Although we still don't understand why Bradley had to leave us so soon, we know of God's love and his healing. In the midst of their (continued) suffering, God has blessed them with a sweet little lady that will join them next month. It was so amazing to get to celebrate this new little life, all the while thinking of her big brother in Heaven and how he is looking over his family. It's hard to explain or even really comprehend, but I know this new little life will bring so much light and joy and that she will have such a beautiful relationship with her sweet Bradley in Heaven. 

Listening to: Nothing really. I'm not one to try out new music so I really don't listen to much...not even on the radio.

Watching: Anyone else still watch Grey's Anatomy? Dr. Burke is coming back this week and I cannot wait! Aside from the awkward musical episode (seriously it's like a train wreck...I can't not watch) of Grey's Anatomy, I have been a big fan and Dr. Burke was one of my orig faves...can't wait!

(Re)Reading: The Help. I love this book and in order to put an end to my recent problems with illiteracy I decided I should reread and an old faithful that I know I love. It is definitely a book I could reread a dozen times. Love it.

Thankful for: Wonderful friends and family who helped celebrate Ted's first birthday! We had a wonderful party at a train park. Even though it was quite blustery, it was so much fun! I love seeing how social Ted is and just how much he enjoys the simplest things. It really puts things into perspective. We are surrounded by so much "stuff" and more than anything Ted loves being around other people...and playing with paper or a rock. ;-) I love this little man so much and I am in awe of the fact that I get to be his mom. I have never felt more blessed or privileged or truly unworthy of anything else in my whole life. Every night when we put him to bed, I thank God for another day, tell him how much I love him and ask Jesus to bless my sweet boy. The greatest gift ever.

Currently {10}

Thinking about: The Easter Vigil! I know it's long, but it is my very favorite Mass of the year! I remember going when I was younger when my uncle joined the Church. I didn't go again until I "had to" when I worked for the Church. The first time I experienced the Easter Triduum as an adult was a life-changing "AHA" moment of my life. For the first time, everything I believed and wondered about the Church made sense. And, it is so beautiful to see people come into the Church. I must say I am a little envious of them. I obviously don't remember my baptism as an infant. I do remember being really excited to receive the Eucharist when I was 8, but didn't know why I was so excited. My Confirmation was a blur of adolescence. Watching people and their emotions as they enter our wonderful Church (by choice) is so inspiring to me. The Church gets so much bad press and there are people leaving every day, but on this one day of the year, all over the world, people are coming into the Church together, united as one. So amazing to me. 

Also, we were happy to celebrate Jason's 1st anniversary as a Catholic! A dear friend offered to watch Ted, so we actually had an Easter vigil date night. Not many people's idea of a great date, but it absolutely was to me! My husband is one of those new Catholics that I am in awe of. ;-)

Reading: Nothing...seriously. You would never know that I am an educator by my lack of discipline in reading. I'm not even going to pretend I am still reading Love and Respect because it's Just. Not. Happening.

Listening To: I love, love, love Easter music. Christ is Risen is probably my favorite.

Watching (wanting to): Trial of Labor. I am trying to track down this documentary that follows 4 women attempting a VBAC. Anyone know where I can find it?! 

Thankful for: So many things...but this week I am focusing on this little man who is almost one! I cannot believe it's been a year since we were here. It's been amazing to say the least. I love watching him grow and learn so much every day. I know babies are happy, but I never knew they were this happy! His laugh...his smile...his silliness...melts my heart all day long! 

 One year ago! Jason joining the Church! Happy Anniversary babe!

 Ted "reading"

 Early birthday present from his Godparents!

 Easter Toms :)

 Learning about Easter from his cousin

Happy Easter!

Currently {9}

Thinking about: Holy Week. I love this week. My favorite week of the Church year leading up to my three favorite days of the Church year. I've loved going to Mass this Lent with Ted. We haven't made it every day, but at least three days a week. He gets all giddy when I get him out of the car to go in. He tries to dodge the blessing from the priest and he gets lots of smiles from all the daily Mass-goers. I can't say I've been able to focus much on the readings or the Homily, but someone once told me even if you are distracted, your soul is being fed. All I know is our days are better when Ted and I get to Mass in the morning. Hopefully the grace continues and we can keep up with a few days a week.

Reading: Just finished Dad is Fat...finally. Still trying to grapple through Love and Respect...slowly, but surely I will (maybe) get there.

Watching: We just started watching Mad Men on Netflix. I don't know how I missed this show or why I'm about six years late to the party, but I love it! Love the time period...all the ladies smoking and drinking while pregnant. Makes me wonder how we ever made it. ;-)

Listening to: A sweet little Lent playlist I made awhile ago. Like I said, I love this time of year and I love Lent worship music. 

Just a few of my favorites...
Beautiful, Scandalous Night
Savior King
Wonderful Cross
How Deep the Father's Love for Us
The King He Comes by Ike Ndolo
How He Loves Us
From the Inside Out
Love is Here

Thankful for: Family. We just got back from visiting Jason's family in Washington. We had a great time introducing Ted to Jason's aunts, uncles and cousins. We also went to the zoo and aquarium. Ted loved seeing all the fish! Of course, this just made me miss my family in Iowa all over again. Always feeling pulled...Iowa or Arizona? Time will tell, I guess. ;-)