Monday, June 3, 2013

A Matter of Perspective

Last night...was rough to say the least. Ted was just not having it. I bought a woombie to help our sweet boy sleep better at night. It is supposed to mimic the womb and help him with fussiness, colic, and not startling himself awake. At least, that's what the website said it will do. I know it will take some getting used to, but like I began this blog...last night was rough!

First time in the Woombie...definitely not sure of this!

Seriously cute and snuggly is he?! Last night was his second night in it and it started off well. He fussed for a few minutes and then settled in to it. I nursed him and then he was asleep, and I mean OUT by 8pm. I seriously thought I was dreaming! I thought we were ALL going to have a great night sleep...none of us did. My sweet boy was up at midnight, not too bad. He slept for 4 hours and I thought I can handle this! But, then he was up until 2am...then again at 3am...4am...and 5am. Finally when he woke up at 6am, we got up and went for a walk. Of course he's a great sleeper when we are walking. I can't complain about that, I am SOO grateful to get some exercise. 

So, we were up...most of the night. It's crazy what goes through your mind when you are that sleep deprived. I was exhausted, Baby T was sleep deprived and exhausted. It kills me in those moments when I cannot soothe my own child. I felt like a failure. I don't know what to do, so I just start crying with the baby. Seriously, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em...I was crying. Crying because I was exhausted, crying because I had no idea how to soothe him, crying because I had no idea what to do.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE snuggling with this boy...

So what do I do in those moments in the middle of the night where I have no idea what to do? 

I think. I think about the day that will come (sooner than I think) where he won't want to snuggle with me. I think about how tremendously blessed I am to be his mom. I get to watch him grow and achieve and learn. I think about how special our bond is, even when he is screaming in the middle of the night because he is so tired. I knew him before anyone else...I felt him kick first. I saw him move first. I knew he was there, even when others didn't. I hate to say this, but in the middle of the night, I have to remind myself of these very things. When I am frustrated and sleep deprived, I have to tell myself "You are so blessed to be his mama". I hate that I have to remind myself. I hate myself for getting frustrated.

I pray. I pray for those who are not as blessed as we are. I pray for those who are not able to have children. I know their frustration is worse. I pray for people who do not have any easy pregnancy. Even though my labor was long, my pregnancy was easy. I loved every minute of being pregnant. I was truly blessed with health. I have a friend right now who is on bed rest in the hospital for the remainder of her pregnancy. Every day that her baby girl stays in her womb is a victory. I pray for them. I pray for people who have children who are sick, who truly cannot help their child. I know that is every parent's worst fear. A very dear friend of mine has a sweet ten month old boy who is in the fight of his life battling cancer (read his story here). I would take a million sleepless nights if it meant he could be healed. I know she would too. So, it's a matter of perspective. Last night was rough, but it could always be worse...right now I have this perfect little boy who sometimes only wants to snuggle with his mom...even if it's 3am. I'll take it and remind myself in those wee hours how truly blessed I am. 

Trying the Woombie during nap time

Five minutes later

So we will try again tonight and hopefully all get a little more sleep. Happy Monday everyone! :)


  1. Kellie,

    You are such an awesome mama! I remember those sleepless nights when Emmett was small, being so frustrated and just crying and crying along with him. Your perspective is so wonderful- thinking to pray for all the other mamas who's hearts are yearning for children, or breaking for their little babies. It's hard to be awake all night- we still have plenty of sleepless nights, and it's hard. But then the morning comes and your little one smiles at you, and the frustration from the night seems to slip away. It's so amazing!

    You're doing a great job!

  2. I cried every time Mary cried.