Not even a little

Friday, October 25, 2013

Not even a little

Recently I have had a lot of people ask me if I miss teaching. Sometimes my answer even surprises me. It's a very quick, "Not even a little."

When Jason and I had Ted we talked about what we should do as far as work and childcare. Jason knows me so well and knew how much I wanted to stay home. We could have spent half my salary on childcare while I worked full time or work half as much and spend more time with Ted. Seems like a no-brainer to me. :)

I loved teaching. I love spending time with my son. I could not imagine trying to balance both. I think I might be resentful. Resentful for looking after other people's children while someone is looking after mine. Resentful for having to grade papers, plan, etc. when I all I really want is to spend time with my son.

Sometimes I feel guilty for "wasting my degree", but then a day like this happens...
Last week, Ted had a horrible day of teething. He did not want to sleep in his crib or play, he just wanted me to hold him or lay right next to him. I couldn't help but think about what would be different if I was teaching full time. First, I wouldn't be able to snuggle with him all day. Second, I would probably have to continue working after I got home.

Jason's parents came to visit and his mom made a comment about if we ever moved to Olympia, Jason's aunt could watch Ted so I could work. This really bothered me. I thought about that for awhile and realized my choice to stay home is not just a monetary decision. I'm not staying home with Ted just because daycare is expensive. I stay home with him because I believe it is the most important vocation I could ever have. I can always go back to teaching, I can never get back these early months and years.

The truth is if I had free childcare and a quadrupled salary, (yeah, I want to know where that school is too!) I would still choose to stay home with Ted. I know there are women who do both and women who love doing both. In fact, I admire you all very much. I am not that woman. There is no job I want more than being this kid's mom.

I love every. single. minute.