Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Surreal - 37 weeks

Full term...It seems as though the words "full term" have lost all meaning because, honestly...it doesn't mean anything to us.

There should be a sense of accomplishment and excitement with the thought of "any day now", but we don't get that. Instead we get anxiety and sleep-deprivation, worrying about when exactly our world as we know it collapses.

We don't get to say all the standard cliche end of pregnancy things like...

"I can't wait to sleep on my back again."

"I can't wait to wear normal clothes again."

"I can't wait to NOT be pregnant anymore."

I can't say them or even really think them because they carry such a deeper meaning. Wishing to not be pregnant anymore means wishing my daughter is already gone.

It honestly seems surreal. My sister asked me how I was doing with everything and that's what I told her...SURREAL. There are moments I feel a sense of calm and peace, but I think it's more because I don't think I will really believe Lily's fate until I see her. 

Maybe it's expectant faith...or maybe it's just denial.

Or maybe it's because Lily dances in my belly all day long. Or that every doctor's appointment she's jumping and kicking and has the strongest heartbeat.

How is it possible that in three weeks that will be gone? Surreal, I tell you.

Last week was emotionally draining for Jason and me. We received a few more very special gifts from dear friends that just continue to remind us how blessed we are to be surrounded by so much love.

One of my dearest friends from Iowa made a beautiful quilt for Lily. She sent Lily the sweetest card and told her that she was thinking of her every single stitch. I love it so, so, so much.

Another one of my sweet friends asked a group of knitting prayer warriors to knit Lily a blanket. Each of these women (none of whom I've met) took turns knitting this gorgeous blanket and praying for Lily with every stitch. I can't wait to wrap her in this soft, cozy blanket.

And the other gift I received, leaves me more humbled than I have ever been. If you know me (or at least know Facebook me) you know that I am crazy-obsessed with this company Lily Jade. They make these beautiful designer diaper bags and I've been dying to own one. 

I've always, always, always wanted a really nice bag, but I've never found anything worthy of our hard-earned dollars...until I discovered Lily Jade. Beautiful bags that double as a diaper bag?! Sold!

So I've been saving my pennies...and entering Every. Single. Giveaway...Ever to try and win one. No luck with the rafflecopter. :(

Long story short, I came home on Friday and found a Lily Jade box! I couldn't believe it! I opened the box and found this stunning diaper bag and this amazing letter...

Hi Kellie,

I understand things seem uncertain and know your heart must hurt when you think about baby Lily Frances. I want to send our heartfelt prayers and love to you and your husband and hope that this small gift can serve as a reminder of God's love and nearness to you. He has your life in the palm of His hand and I pray that his peace will cover and comfort you.

There is a passage from the Song of Solomon that says "I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys," which is the bride speaking to the bridegroom. I know that Lily Frances is God's little lily of the valley. He created her to be a delicate, pure, and precious gift. She too is in good hands, and I trust that in eternity, you'll see all the beauty that God intends for her to display. No matter what happens in the short term, her eternal life is only just beginning.

Love and prayers,

Landon Wood
Lily Jade

I love this company even more. The letter made me cry for many reasons. First, and foremost, the scripture about Lily and that they took the time to find it. Second, someone, somehow had to tell them about Lily (to get my address). I wish I knew who this person was so I could thank them properly (hint, hint). Third, they didn't have to do anything. Even if someone did tell them about Lily, they really didn't have to do anything and I would have never known. 

But, they took the time to read Lily's story, offer us prayers and scripture and gift us with this beautiful bag. My heart was so humbled and so thankful.

And while I know this bag is no replacement, it is a small reminder to me that despite all that we are going through, there is some goodness in the world. 

We are thankful for every sweet day we get with Lily, for every kick and roll. As much as we fear letting her go, we cannot wait to meet our sweet girl.

37 weeks with Ted (left), 37 weeks with Lily (right)

And we still smile, laugh and relish in the pure joy that is our sweet Ted ;-)

I couldn't imagine any of this without these two.
My heart is so full.


  1. That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart. My prayers will be with you and your family.

  2. Thank you for continuing to share this journey, Kellie. Praying for you...

  3. The love of that gesture brought tears to my eyes! Thank you for sharing this beautiful, painful journey with us. Praying for Lily and for all of you.